A-Dizzle or Dizzlita (dizzlita) wrote,
A-Dizzle or Dizzlita

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'Go Die in Suburbia Hell'

I got my haircut two days ago and now I feel sad. It may just be today ... well this morning at least. I feel like an alien. I don't think guys like me anymore ... but I hope it's not because I look more 'black' now. My mom said I looked like a model but I feel like a clown. Besides my mother thinks I look like Aphrodite no matter what. This is depressing. Very depressing. Oh well. Ugh tomorrow will be torturous. I feel so ugly right now - so very ugly. I think that today is going to be a big shit day. yeah. I feel dumb, too. And isolated. Which I feel often.

Hey! If guys don't like me because I don't have straight long hair then FUCK them. GO DIE IN SUBURBIA [a_dizzle: think I meant 'suburban'} HELL! I wish there were guys who didn't care about looks, they cared about personality. But I guess my personality is kind of dull right now. I feel dull, maybe I am. Wow I am so insecure today. Gee this is awful. Fine Grape, don't say hi when you pass me [a_dizzle: code name for bridget?]. I don't exist remember? Invisible me with a bad haircut. Fine, fine, fine.

GRRRRR. I want a hat. And I want my Arizona Green Tea with Honey and Ginseng. Ginseng was going to be the name of a band that Julia and I were going to form. But now Julia and I aren't friends anymore - I mean shit, we haven't talked in four months! She turned into this loud obnoxious Blair wannabe. And I probably turned into this quiet, boring, annoying? poet. Fine, fine, fine.

I wish I could go home, sleep, and wake up on the 'better side' of the bed, whichever side that may be. Great I have a whole period to write my depressing life into this journal. Suburbia Hell is a great title. So is Spatula, and High Society Grime. I'm going to make three songs and give them those titles.

My fingers are ugly. Now I'm in study. There are 3 idiot boys in here. They are making ugly noises. Shut up. Shut up. Stupid, stupids. Maybe they are just brainless and when they were born the doctors replaced their brains with helium balloons.

I think I'm starting to feel a wee bit better. Maybe not though. I miss how my hair used to fall on my desk when I tilted my head downwards. And I miss hiding behind it when I felt uncomfortable. And I miss trying to find new hairstyles with it on Saturdays and Sundays. Fare well, farewell dear friend I knew too well, farewell, farewell.

There is this girl here who seems so snobby. She is only nice to people who give her cigarettes and even then it's for about a minute. I suppose you are better than us huh missy? Grr!

Bitter, bitter, bitter, sour, fake, depressed, dark, disgusting me. I also want some camomille tea. Mmm and I want some Yogi tea. Yum, yum.
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